Growing UpA year agoand I was in the height of happinessor so I thought.I can't believe thatlittle dogssweaty guys on bikesafternoon naps around sketchy parentswasn't the best thing ever.My friends tell me"you seem so much happier now,"and I want to ask themwas I not happy then,was I just settlingand pretending to be content,was I a delusional little girlwho thought she had anythingand everything the in the palm of her hand?And I have wonder nowif I'm actually that way right now.That I'm delusional to think thata few weeks out of months will mean a lotdown the road when I'm olderat collegedealing with everyone else making outat parties that I won't go to becauseI'll feel like I'm betraying people.'cause it's hard enough in high schoolI can't imagine what college will bring.Then my mother chimes in"you need to grow up,you're eighteen now"and I love her to deathbut I don't want to grow upnot in this environment.I feel like I'm a carrot or a bean or somethingtryin
So Many Things To LoveI love driving;the feel of the wind in my hairduring summer days,the bass under my feet,going places I haven't gone before,being free.I love water;floating deep in the pool,scalding hot showers,relaxing baths,and the pounding rain on the pavement.I love words;words that fit to music,poetry in general,excellent novels,the imagery they give mewith out ever having to leave my room.I love connecting with people;the way they can make you feelso alive without doing anything in particular,the way you can relate,cheering them up,provoking thought in them.I love living;experiencing all that there is to experience,learning about others lives,forgetting I'm living at all.I love food;the way there are so many tastes,so many different cultures,how there's always something new to try,how it magically cures hunger.I love him;curling up and just sleeping,walking in nature without the sounds of cars,sharing our tastes in food,influencing each others writing,and driv
Comparisons Are Never GoodI can't help but thinkand compare and think some moreand compare.Am I better?Am I worse?Will I make the same mistakesthough I swear I won't?How can I make the same mistakesif I know about them before hand.Will everything work out?And then my thoughts transfer overto another comparisonto a different personbut the same thoughts.Am I better?Am I worse?Is she better?Is she worse?They're all just hypothetical,rhetorical if you will.I don't if I want an answereven though I know I have some.I want to be better.I don't want to make mistakes.I want to be wanted more thenevery one else because I find latelythat many people I thought caredreally don't care at all.False pretenses I must say.Can't we just be honest and sayI don't like you?
Time Go ByI find that more and moreI'm watching my life tick on by.I watch the digital clockon my phonethe time on the music playerthe analog clock over my posters.Both show me that I'm wastingmy time away.I lay in bedthinking that I'm watching time go by.I want to do something about itI think about how I could be more productive,yet,I continue to lay thereand watch time continue to go on by.
ConstantlyI constantly find my heartsinkingas I watch the hour grow later andlater.I wonder who decided to labeltime.Who said we had to live in the day and sleep duringnight?
Lacking In So MuchI find myself lacking in wordslacking in thoughts other thenI need to do thisI need to do thiswhy am I not doing this?I find myself lacking in sleeplacking in more then five consecutive hours.I need to sleep moreI need to sleep morebut I take so many naps!I find myself lacking in motivationlacking in the will to get off the computer and work.I need to workI need to workwhy do I have no motivation?
No MagicI thought I heard youwhile I was w-a-l-k-i-n-g in thelongdesertedwhite dhall. nThere was a souof magic in the makingand I t h o u g h tI t h o u g h tI heard your voicein the mist of the magic.I t h o u g h tI heard you singingI t h o u g htit had to be you.ButI found out laterthere was no magicbecause you weren'tthere.
DamagelessOh snake eyesyou are not what I wanted.Ones will not help mein this particular scenario.Now that I've rolled youI've done no damage to my opponent.In factI think I've damaged myself.