Childish Fantasy

You faked your way,
through all the lines.
Where were you,
every time I cried?
Can I look back now,
and be  happy,
that I every called you mine?
No.
I only think of all the times I was hurt,
and in pain,
because that's who I am.
The forever pessimistic person,
whom I'm sure you're happier than happy,
to have out of your oh so wonderful life.
And I can't believe,
that once again,
I thought I wanted to be with you forever,
and maybe even have kids.
I guess,
in my childish fantasy's,
I settled for way less than the best,
because I was blind to see,
that you were nothing,
that I thought you were meant to be.
And when I lay in bed at night,
I never think of you again,
because the thought of you,
makes me sick,
and I'm tired of being ill and unhappy,
I'm tired of feeling guilty,
because I don't think I ever loved you,
in the very first place.
It was all just a lie,
a short-long time lived fantasy.