Green With EnvyI'm green with envy,
and I could scream until,
I'm blue in the face.
I'm purple with jealousy,
but I could never tell you,
never tell you.
It tears me up inside,
all the things I know,
all the things I learn.
It's one thing,
that makes me break down and cry.
I thought I lost you,
back in my old high school,
but you've come back to hurt me,
in a new form.
His ArrivalI've had my fair share of random experiences. Everything from losing a tampon in a toilet at my best friends house, and then having her dad plunge it out (the toilet got clogged because my best friend's little sister used too much toilet paper) to losing my grandfather when I was down in North Carolina with my mum looking for houses.
One of the best things I've ever had happen to me was more like a fairy tale experience. One that doesn't occur to people often. And especially not at my age. Which is pretty young.
Thursday March 27th. The day my grandmother was suppose to be flying out from Pennsylvania to stay down in NC. Let me tell you, I wasn't thrilled about my grandmother coming down to visit us. Yes, she cooks amazing food, but ever since my grandfather died and she went off the deep end, she has been kind of crazy. The whole week I would bitch to anyone who was listening about how I was not excited about her coming down, and how I didn't want to clean the house. I even bitched to
I Want, But Can'tI want to throw myself off a cliff,
but into deep safe waters.
I want to love deeply and truly,
but not enough that I'll get hurt.
I want to walk a mile,
but end up running a thousand miles away.
I want to have a marriage,
but not deal with the commitment.
I want to grow up,
but not have the responsibilities of an adult.
I want to write to please the people,
but I don't want it to become a chore.
I want to throw everything away,
but lose nothing.
I want to think,
but not think too deeply.
I want to take dangerous risks,
but never get hurt.
I want a true friendship,
but never have to feel the breaking of trust.
I want a true romantic relationship,
but I don't want to deal with all the negatives.
I want to trust people,
but not be stabbed in the back.
I want to give up things,
but not have people resent me.
I want to help people through their darkest moments,
but I don't want them to always rely on me.
I want to end all the problems in my life,
but still have something of interest happen
Letting Him GoIt's hard to let go of someone you love deeply, even if you know they're going to come back. Maybe not in the next week or so. Maybe not in the next month. But within at least a years time frame, they will be back.
That's what I had to do not so long ago. I had to let the guy that I've fallen deeply in love with, leave my sight once more. I won't lie and say it was easy because I know he'll be back. It was very very hard to let him leave this state and travel 3,000 miles or so back to his home state of California.
Friday April 4. Only a week and a few hours after having my boyfriend fly the 3,000 miles from CA to NC on a surprise trip to visit me, and I was having to let him go back. It was difficult not to cry that day.
I woke up around 4am from a phone call from my mom, telling me that I had to get up because we had to take Myles, my boyfriend, to the airport.
He had already been up for a while, and had taken his shower and everything, so he was prepared already. I,
Breathing, Living, WalkingI'm just breathing.
Breathing to make it through the days.
I'm breathing in this mess of air,
get what little oxygen I can,
and taking it all for myself.
I'm just living.
Living to make it through the days.
I'm living in this mess of a world,
getting what happiness I can,
and taking what I can for myself.
I'm just walking.
Walking to get somewhere in these days.
I'm walking on the dirty tan pavement,
and walking barefoot in the long green grass.
I'm walking to go somewhere,
if not anywhere,
just to go.
I'm just doing.
Doing something to get through the days.
I'm doing something to get my mind away,
from all those dark cobwebbed places,
and taking my mind into a happier place.
I'm just thinking.
Thinking about where I am these days.
How I got here,
how I managed to live for so long.
And I'm thinking,
that I'm gonna get somewhere some day.
RoseShe was tired. Just flat out tired. She was tired of everyone getting on her about this or that. She was tired of the late nights up until 3am, and than waking up at 7am, only four hours later. She was tired of living alone, in a house that was too big for just her. Maybe tired wasn't the right word. Exhausted would probably fit better for her situation. She was exhausted from working for 4pm until 11pm at night at the local bookstore to keep change in her pocket. Not that technically she really needed the money.
At the age of just barely 19, she was left a large amount of money from her one and only grandmother. Her grandmother had one daughter, who died in a fire along with the son-in-law who she told her daughter would be the death of her, and he was. Her grandmother then ended up officially taking care of her granddaughter at the age of 12. Just when she was about to hit the great old years of teenager.
Time Traveling Vampire 2I woke up from my nap flustered. The boy who had fallen asleep on my floor, using a bra as a pillow was gone. In the short period of time I have to admit I grew fond of him, and was worried about his where abouts. Monsters of the sort, otherwise known as my siblings, have been known to eat boys whole!
I got out of my bed and checked my siblings rooms. No blood on the wall, no left over bones. Obviously they were not the cause of his disappearance.
I went back to my room and sat there, staring off into space, just thinking. Maybe he was just a figment of my imagination. It's possible. Or maybe, I hadn't eaten enough for lunch and I was hallucinating, or maybe it was wait I ate for lunch. Either way, he probably wasn't really real.
I started to fall back to sleep, when there was a loud bang, as the boy fell from my light and onto the floor.
"Ouch," he said, his face muffled by the floor. "That really hurt. Thankfully I escaped in time, before they came back," He continued to say as he ru